What to Expect When You’re Divorcing—A Non-Linear Guide to Divorce Options
And they lived happily ever after…or maybe not. As much as we all want a happy ending to marriage, divorce can sometimes be the only path for some couples. For far too many married couples, divorce is one of the hardest decisions to make. Whether the decision is mutual, or one spouse becomes the catalyst for the life changing decision, divorce can be emotionally and financially painful.
Divorce is not a linear, clear-cut process. While in the divorce process, you must navigate a complicated legal process in addition to emotional and financial challenges. You must also decide on which divorce pathway you wish to take. Just like every marriage is different, so is every divorce. No two divorces are alike, each one brings something different to the table. Divorce is a lot like chess. To be successful, you need to plan your every move to come out of it all financially healthy and prepared for a bright future.
That’s why WFWC is committed to being proactive, organized, and strategic through it all. We believe divorce can be equitable and fair for women, and we are dedicated to ensuring this happens with a finance-focused process.
Divorce Processes
So, you didn’t get your happily ever after and your fairytale ending. Luckily, within the divorce process, there are various pathways you can select. The four basic pathways are: Pro Se, Mediate, Litigate, and Collaborate.
Pro Se.
This is the “do-it-yourself” divorce in which one or both spouses choose to represent themselves in court and use freely available forms.
This option should only be considered for couples who:
Are married less than two years
Have no minor children and no major assets
The biggest challenge with this option is not having any legal or financial guidance. I have talked to women who went to the courthouse to drop off their paperwork and had a few questions so they asked the court clerks. The clerks were not able to give them any advice. Not even about what box to check on the forms. In Wisconsin alone, 80% of the divorce cases are pro se. This means that there could be financial disempowerment and disappointment for years or decades after because once the divorce is completed and the property is divided, it is permanently done.
Mediate.
Mediation is a proven alternative to divorce where couples use a neutral third party trained in mediation. It’s a popular option because, in theory, it can help couples mitigate expenses that arise with a contested divorce and litigation.
But it's imperative to make sure you think about the dynamics of your situation. At WFWC, we've seen too many women get steamrolled and bullied during mediation and then accept a bad deal that impacts their financial wellness for decades.
Ask yourself:
Is there an imbalance of financial power in my situation?
Does my spouse have more financial knowledge than I do?
Will I feel intimidated by the process?
Do I need someone or a team to help me advocate for myself?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to reconsider mediation or, make sure you surround yourself with a team of people that have YOUR best interests in mind.
Before mediation, be sure to find out how many sessions your mediator offers. It is recommended to not have any less than three sessions to address income, expenses, qualify property division (with accurate data), and to summarize the final, agreed upon outcome.
Remember–you are going to have to advocate for yourself. So before you step into that session, you need to know your top financial goals and your soon-to-be ex’s goals. This is all part of good negotiation. Having access to financial information can provide you with the confidence to face those conversations and decisions from a place of clarity.
Litigate.
When both parties cannot resolve issues or come to an agreement, the process moves having a judge help make those decisions for them. If you find yourself on the pathway toward litigation, it’s vital to make sure that you and your attorney are aligned.
Ask yourself:
Is your attorney willing to address what is important to you?
Do they have your best interests in mind, or their own agenda?
Are they willing to be proactive?
Do they start with the end in mind and back engineer the process?
Do they respond to emails and phones within a timely manner?
Do you feel like they have your back?
Do they have an actual strategy?
Your attorney should be your advisor and help you to ask the right questions, gather the right knowledge, and walk in confidence. They are one part of your team and with the right one, you can develop the right strategies and stay strong throughout the divorce process.
Collaborative. Collaborative divorce relies on both parties, with their independent attorneys, formally agreeing to not litigate and to be open and truthful throughout the process. The biggest thing to keep in mind about the collaborative process is that it must work for your situation.
Ask yourself:
Is your spouse willing to commit to a collaborative divorce?
Are you comfortable working with and negotiating directly with your spouse?
If you feel intimidated or fearful of your spouse, collaborative divorce is probably not a good idea. But if you both have an overall ok relationship, you’ve done your research, and thought through the pros and cons…I think the process can work well. The biggest fear about this process is having it go off the rails because then you must go the litigated route and start all over. But if it’s the right process for you, then the risk is low.
We Are Here for You, Every Step of the Way!
We believe that women make really good decisions when they feel safe and ask the right questions. We believe that women going through divorce deserve to be treated with kindness, compassion, and respect. We believe in providing a safe, non-judgmental place for women to gain financial knowledge and confidence that fosters honesty, integrity, and trust. We empower women—whether they are stay-at-home parents, high-earners, or monied spouses—through 1:1 divorce financial coaching and analysis.
Break Free from Financial Uncertainty in Divorce
Don't let financial uncertainty fog your journey through divorce. Watch my FREE Masterclass for practical solutions, expert advice, and your next best move. Divorce decisions can wear you down—but this one is easy, and it happens to be the most important. It’s time to empower yourself for the confident financial future you deserve!
