Tips for a Positive Financial Outcome in Your Divorce
Since 2014, we have helped hundreds of women navigate the divorce process and make smart and empowering decisions regarding their financial situation.
With the intention to create a safe place for women, especially those in a vulnerable position, to find their paths, their voices, and the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations, we work to change the narrative of our clients’ divorce experiences.
While we have encountered many challenging and unique divorces, the majority of my clients not only survived but thrived post-divorce by implementing the three tips described below:
Be Your Own Best Advocate
If both you and your spouse have chosen mediation as your method of completing your divorce, great! Mediation is an excellent option for a divorce, but keep in mind that it does have its limitations.
While you and your spouse will likely save a boatload of money using mediation instead of litigation, it is no less important to show up prepared to ask the right questions. Here’s why: mediators can provide legal information, but they cannot in their roles provide legal or financial advice to either party.
In short, your mediator will not tell you what questions to ask. In fact, a few years ago we had a client who was struggling to understand her financial situation and was on the brink of agreeing to a bad deal. When we were in session, the mediator told us, “It’s up to her if she takes a bad deal.”
Our questions were:
WHY is she taking a bad deal?
Did she understand the deal?
Is she actually being bullied?
Under what condition and what terms did she actually agree to this deal?
THAT was the vital information we wanted to know.
When it comes to your mediation, you need a set agenda of what YOU want to cover and understand. While your mediator does play a crucial role in your separation, their job is to remain neutral. You need to have people around you that understand the financial impacts of your questions and how the decisions you make are going to affect your life.
“The win isn't getting your ex to sign a favorable agreement,” shares well known mediator and parenting specialist, Rebecca Kaufman, “It's getting your ex to concur that the agreement you've reached is the best roadmap to move the two of you forward. If someone believes they have been duped into signing an agreement, that they would not have agreed had they known all the facts, had all the information, or realized all the options available, it's going to be much tougher to maintain their cooperation.”
Your mediator is looking at it from a legal lens, but most of the time you’re focused on money and you and your spouse are driving the conversation. Mediation is not a therapy session or a place to figure out how to best communicate with each other. This is a place to solve financial and legal concerns and come to a resolution.
Set a Budget for Your Life, Post-Divorce
Budgeting is important because it helps control your spending, track your expenses, and save more money. Additionally, budgeting can help you make strong financial decisions, get out of debt, and stay focused on your long-term financial goals, post-divorce.
To make your budgeting journey easier, we suggest you set aside two things: your emotions and the past. Instead of thinking about how a budget may limit your finances, we encourage you to think of budgeting as an opportunity to look straight into the present and plan for the future. If necessary, remind yourself that budget numbers are not about where you have been, but where you want to go.
Your budget will be critical in negotiating your finances and there will probably be several versions of your budget that take into account various financial possibilities.
Hire a Professional with Financial Expertise
If you believe your understanding of your household financial situation is limited or if you don’t have a good handle on how to manage debt or the investments in your brokerage and retirement accounts, then we suggest you hire a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA).
You need to be able to make decisions that are in alignment with your goals and that is going to require an expert—and it’s not going to be your attorney or your mediator. You need checks and balances in place to advocate for yourself and that requires you to have additional resources, support, and expertise behind the scenes to help prepare you for meditation.
For instance, let’s consider for a moment the value of a home based on Zillow. You need a fair market value or appraisal for accurate numbers. If that’s the only information available, an appraisal isn’t going to be ordered. You need to be prepared to request that or come prepared with the information.
While there are a number of reasons why you may choose mediation over traditional litigation, keep in mind that mediation is something to pursue only if it’s the right fit for your situation, not because you might save a couple of dollars during the process.
Most importantly, remember that by surrounding yourself with a team of people that have YOUR best interests in mind, you can feel confident knowing that your financial future will be the best it can be.
Uncover Your Financial Strength with BRIDGE™
Ready to confidently stand up for what you deserve? BRIDGE™ is your path to securing your dream divorce settlement—without the guilt. It's time to take charge, one strategic move at a time.