Strategy of Helping Women Through Divorce—the WFWC Defense
Divorce is common, like really common. In fact, according to the CDC, 2.9 out of every 1,000 people get divorced. While the divorce rate is going down, the financial and emotional effects of divorce remain the same.
Just like every marriage is different, so is every divorce and having a defensive strategy in place—one that works for YOU and your situation—is paramount. In fact, having a good defense is your best offense, particularly when it comes to protecting your assets.
In our experience we’ve found that divorce is a lot like chess. To be successful, you need to plan your every move in order to come out of it all financially healthy and prepared for a bright future.
Below we take a look at our defense principles and how they apply to making sure your divorce is equitable and fair.
Divorce Principle #1: Identify the Threats
It is a good principle to always think about the defense first. When we look at putting a strong defense strategy in place, we consider the following questions:
What is the idea behind this decision?
What is your spouse threatening/defending?
What would be the strongest response to the situation?
Despite women earning more bachelor’s, master’s, and doctoral degrees in the U.S. than men and the growth of women-owned businesses outpacing the overall increase in new businesses, when women step into a position of power, we still have to deal with having this “manipulative” stigma thrown at us.
We’ve seen so often that when women use accepted business logic in preparing for a divorce, they may be perceived as ruthless, calculating and manipulative, yet when men use accepted business logic in preparing for a divorce, they are seen as practical, logical and direct.
This stigma, along with the financial, emotional, personal, and familial difficulties of divorce is why we look at your situation from every angle.
When you’re involved in a high-conflict divorce, it can feel as though you’ve been thrown onto a chessboard with an opponent you have to constantly defend yourself against at all costs. Identifying any threats and building a strong defense strategy are important parts of making sure your post-divorce life is a financially successful one.
Divorce Principle #2: Keep the Back Rank Protected (You, Queen!)
It’s an unsettling statistic that women, more often than men, tend to get the short end of the financial settlement stick in divorce.
While this may be due to a number of reasons, the most common is simply that women earn less than men and thus see their household income fall about 42% post-divorce. Coupled with the fact that women tend to be the primary caregivers for any children post-divorce, you can quickly see how a woman’s earning power could be inhibited and her household costs increased.
Additionally, we have seen some women take really bad deals because their team did not pay attention to some very important elements of their financial situation. For us, keeping the Queen protected is our top priority. We scour every nook and cranny in your paperwork for a surprise attack and make sure that you are protected at all times.
Divorce Principle #3: Examine Your Spouse’s Best Attack
As well-meaning as your spouse may be, it’s important to look at every piece of both your strategy and theirs. By remaining aware of your spouse’s strongest attack, you will significantly decrease the possibilities of his attack heavily influencing the agreements of your divorce.
This is when we ask the tough questions and here’s why: while hiding assets during a divorce is a sneaky and unethical thing to do, not to mention an illegal thing to do, it still happens, and much more frequently than you would expect.
There’s no set playbook for how to best plan a strong defense as each situation and divorce is different, but what we know for certain is that you need to remember to take care of yourself first before you can move forward.
Research, know your numbers, confirm what’s legal with experts. Your spouse is not the expert, regardless of intentions.
Defense Principle #4: Avoid Pins and Skewers
In chess, pinned or skewered pieces are the pieces that have lost their mobility and value. Ideally in divorce, you should anticipate and prevent any of your “pieces” from becoming pinned or skewered.
Following are some non-negotiables we follow to make sure none of our financial strategies lose their impact:
Quick turnarounds on signatures. We are willing to condense timelines but will never shortcut the process we put in place to make sure there is a fair and equitable division of assets.
Answering questions around finances and big financial decisions doesn’t happen until all documentation is in place and we have a thorough understanding of the information presented.
Thinking your divorce will be amicable. When your spouse wants you to think everything is fine, that's manipulation. It keeps you in the position of not leaning in, asking questions, etc.
Keep in mind that when making sure your defense is as strong as possible, there’s a healthy balance between being too trusting and not trusting at all.
Defense Principle #5: Counter-Attack
Although this principle may seem to be the most obvious, divorce is an incredibly stressful, gut-wrenching, life-altering experience that adds immense pressure to our everyday decisions. Understandably, when we are under pressure it is difficult to make good decisions—and without these good decisions our defense collapses.
To stay in a mindset that serves YOU and your interests, it’s best to keep in mind that intentions are not always reasonable or accurate. We can convince ourselves that what we want is reasonable, but it’s not based on fact or what’s equitable or fair.
When it comes to divorce, most women are fighting more against themselves, their shame, their guilt, and their fear than anyone else. This part of the defense journey isn’t just looking at your spouse and determining if (or how) they are out to get you. Often, it’s encouraging our clients to realize that the system is broken and that their internal biases often work against them.
It’s making sure you have a team behind you—and that it’s the right team. One that’s primary and sole interest is understanding your financial situation and advocating for YOU.
How to Secure Your Fair Share in Divorce
If financial stress is clouding your divorce journey, I’ve got you covered. Find empowered solutions in my FREE Masterclass, Women in Divorce: Your Next Best Move. In less than 30 minutes, I’ll teach you exactly how to bring peace, clarity, and control to your financial landscape. Don’t skip this one, girlfriend—your financial future depends on it!
