It’s Never Been About the Money. It’s Always Been About the Power.
While many divorce settlements may look equitable on the surface, most have situations that simply do not benefit women in the long term. For instance, the Pew Research Center says that in 69% of heterosexual marriages, husbands make more money than their wives do.
This means that after divorce, the woman’s household income will drop more than the man’s. Approximately 41% more, actually. To top it off, a woman’s credit score typically drops more than her ex-spouse’s as well.
“Women tend to absorb more risk and financial inequality. ”
And then there are the kids. While most of us would look at our kids as a daily gift, there’s no denying that raising kids is...expensive (sigh). While child support is a thing, those payments are intended to cover “basic living expenses that are reasonable and necessary for the child’s upbringing.” So...there’s some flexibility there in what, exactly, your ex-spouse has to pay. As the primary caregiver, it quite often is simply not enough.
Also, divorce proceedings are intended to divide up a couple’s existing assets, but frequently this division will not account for the reduced earning power that often (and frustratingly) comes from splitting attention between full-time parenting and a full-time career.
So what does this mean, exactly? All of this leads us to look at an often misunderstood concept: the Divorce Gap.
Ah, Yes. The Divorce Gap.
There is an accepted perception that women swoop in and siphon off the wealth of their spouses, going off to live a life of comfort and luxury. In our line of work, we’ve yet to see this occur. Whoever this unicorn of a woman is, can you tell us your secret?
Our experience has been that women who worked before, during, or after their marriages see a 20 percent decline in income when their marriages end. Their exes, however, tend to see their incomes rise more than 30 percent post-divorce.
How can this be, you might ask? Well, women tend to absorb more risk and financial inequality. Whether it’s staying at home to raise the kids, pushing aside her own career ambitions so her spouse can thrive, or dealing with a stagnant rise in wages due to starting a family or taking a break from work or, you know, simply dealing with the pay gap, there are problems in the system that affect women more than men.
Which, we get it, is still just...why? But the reality is that our divorce system is broken and simply not designed to handle high-conflict cases. Additionally, fear (yup, there’s emotional manipulation too!) is often used as a weapon during a divorce. If you are a high earner you feel guilty. If you’re asking for your fair share you feel...guilty.
Fear is a highly effective tool. During high conflict situations, it works all too well in pushing us to give away our power. Queens, it is for this very reason that it is vital to educate yourselves, research, and understand financial information and data.
You Are Your Own Source of Power
Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the money. It’s about power. It’s about either straightening your crown...or giving it away. It’s about knowing what you deserve and strategizing how you can get it.
It’s also about facing your conflict head-on and facing the fact that any time a relationship ends, and especially when it ends in divorce and you advocate for yourself, there will be conflict.
Your goals and responsibilities are not to get your ex and their legal team to like you. It’s to fight for yourself enough--and yes, you will have to fight, this isn’t a team party--to walk away with an equitable settlement.
If you can’t do this and aren’t ready, you absolutely, as a non-negotiable, need a team that can.
Discover Your Next Best Move in Divorce
Wondering what to do next? Stop the questioning and spiraling, girlfriend! Dive into my FREE Masterclass for empowering clarity and expert strategy—guided by a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® with your best interest at heart. I’ll teach you exactly how to stand in your power, throughout divorce and beyond!
