Dealing with Narcissistic Personalities in Divorce
The term “narcissist” is often used to describe someone who is overly self-involved or self-centered. While narcissism is a recognized personality disorder, for the purposes of this discussion, we’re only going to focus on narcissism as it relates to divorce.
Divorcing a Narcissist
Quite often, if you’re dealing with a narcissist, or someone with narcissistic tendencies, your divorce will end up in court.
Why? Well, because narcissists tend to manipulate and gaslight as well as push perspectives in their favor, having an amicable divorce is often out of the question. It’s also difficult to collaborate with someone who feels neurotically entitled to get whatever they want.
Narcissists view divorce as a competition, something that they have to win, and the approach they often take is to ruin the other person at all costs, no matter what. Because they are so competitive, narcissists love the adversarial nature of divorce court and excel at manipulating it to their advantage.
During a divorce, it’s not uncommon for a narcissist to:
refuse to provide financial records
refuse to cooperate with you and your legal team
behave vindictively
blame others for their poor behavior or actions
obstruct or ignore court orders
argue against marital property—in a state that is marital property
Additionally, if you have kids, your divorce can be even more fraught with conflict then it has to be. As sad as it is to admit, a narcissist’s lack of empathy for others extends to their children and they are not above using them as pawns.
Queen, I know watching your soon-to-be-ex put their own self-interests above their child will hurt. On top of that, protecting your child may feel like an impossible task. Try to discuss things with your child in as neutral a tone as possible and do your best to remain calm.
Whether it’s through your friends and family, or with us here at The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, get your support group in place. Having a strong community at your back while looking across the proverbial chess board at your ex-spouse can make all the difference.
“Narcissists have been known to attempt to destroy their ex’s credit, hide or withhold important financial and legal documents, and intentionally draw out the divorce process in an attempt to run up their ex’s legal bills.”
The Financial Impact of Divorcing a Narcissist
Alright, if you’ve been married to a narcissist and have started divorce proceedings, you already know that they are not above intimidation and manipulation tactics.
What you may not foresee, however, are the financial impacts a narcissist may have on your future. It is an unfortunate truth that financial abuse is a common occurrence.
Narcissists have been known to attempt to destroy their ex’s credit, hide or withhold important financial and legal documents, and intentionally draw out the divorce process in an attempt to run up their ex’s legal bills.
For this reason, and many more, it is imperative you get your paperwork in order. One way a narcissist will try to gain control in a divorce is to prevent their spouse from receiving their fair share of support and assets.
When you start putting your paperwork together, do not keep copies at home. Give them to a trusted friend or family member or consider placing them in a safety deposit box outside of your spouse’s knowledge and control.
Put Together a Winning Team
You already know you will need a skilled and supportive law attorney to handle your divorce. Considering the impact a narcissist can have on your emotional well-being, you may also want to include a therapist who is familiar with narcissism and offering strategies that help you manage both your ex-spouse and divorce better.
From a financial standpoint, a CDFA® is your best bet for not only understanding your finances and having a realistic and honest perspective of where you may be after your divorce is finalized, but also for having someone in your corner who understands the financial reality of narcissism and how you can strategize around it.
From assessing the financial implications of various settlement scenarios to achieving the best possible outcome for your financial security, a CDFA® will work diligently with you to make sure you are in a winning position, post-divorce.
With your paperwork prepared, your team assembled, and your mind set for the challenges of divorcing a narcissist, you are ready to proceed with your divorce and move towards a brighter, financially secure, and narcissist free future.
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