How to Manage Your First Holiday After Divorce
By Guest Blogger: Wendy Sterling
If it's your first holiday season after your divorce and you are feeling sad or lonely or even angry, let me be the first to tell you that's completely normal. The harsh truth is that our emotions and feelings intensify around the holidays.
I remember my first holiday season after my divorce like it was just yesterday. My ex and I didn't have a lot of conversation regarding how it was going to go. Instead, I told him what it was going to look like. I didn't have a plan. Our separation was still relatively new, and we were barely on speaking terms at the time. I was so overwhelmed by simple things like where were we going to celebrate (we used to be with my former in-laws), what presents to buy, etc.
No matter the circumstances, divorce is one of the most traumatic events you can go through in your adult life. The impact of divorce on your psyche could have you gearing up for a holiday season in the dumps. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. It can be the BEST YEAR YET!
Here’s how to make your first holiday season after divorce feel like something special again.
1) Set Realistic Expectations for Holidays
Even those who are not going through a divorce can have ridiculously high expectations for the holiday season, but I think your expectations get even higher after a divorce. Almost like we feel like there is more to compensate for. It’s important to remember that your holidays will likely be nothing like they were when you were married. Having high expectations for the holidays will provide disappointment as you are still in comparison mode, so take it easy! Perhaps even lower them to allow yourself and your kids to be pleasantly surprised when things start getting better. Try to get in the spirit of the holidays, but keep in mind that’s not everything, and you have the right to be a little Grinchy this year!
2) Do It For the Kids
If your divorce involved kids, it’s likely a little messier than just going your separate ways. You’ve probably already realized you’re going to have to learn to co-parent (or parallel parent). Good co-parenting becomes even more important at the holidays. Since this is your first holiday season after divorce, nobody expects you to host Christmas morning with your ex-spouse. Perhaps down the road it might be something you want to work toward. Just keep an open mind, you never know! Splitting holidays can be extremely stressful for kids, so try to keep that in mind when planning holidays with your ex. If you can get along and stand to be in the same room for an hour, you might decide to do it for the sake of the kids. If you have a court order that details holidays, it’s important to remember to follow that.
3) Create New Traditions
Your first holiday season after a divorce is a great opportunity to create new traditions. It can feel heavy to try to do the same things the way you usually do them without your ex. Think about how you could make this holiday special rather than focusing on what's missing. If you always went on a holiday neighborhood drive with your ex to look at lights, perhaps do a walk instead. I get that it can be hard to let go of these traditions. If you have kids, you might choose to keep some of the old traditions, but make sure that you’re taking the time to make new ones. These new traditions can be something special that only you do, and they will allow you to make new memories and give your kids (and yourself) something to look forward to during the holiday season.
4) Do Something You’ve Always Wanted
Have you dreamed of flying to Maui for the holidays? Or volunteering in a soup kitchen on Christmas Eve? If your spouse held you back from those things in the past, now’s the time to start doing them! Take your first holiday season after divorce as a time to do something you’ve always wanted to do, but never could because of "family" aka "in-laws" or other circumstances. Planning something like this in advance of the holidays will give you something to truly look forward to as the holidays draws nearer.
5) Lean Into Family & Friends
If you haven’t done so already, the holidays are the perfect time to lean into your family and/or friends. Healthy family and friends relationships get to take center stage as you deal with the ripple effect of divorce. During your first holiday after divorce, make sure you take time for family and friends so you spend a lot of your time with your loved ones. Your friends and family are your support system during this challenging time, so keep that in mind as you go through the holidays. You may even be able to start some new traditions when you start focusing on your loved ones again!
Sometimes, enjoying the holidays with your family means traveling. While you may not have a lot in your budget after divorce, the expenses of going to see family at the holidays are often worth it. Keep that in mind, when coming up with a plan for the holidays.
6) Avoid Unsupportive Family & Friends
We all have those people in our lives that never have anything supportive to say. Steer clear of those folks on the first Christmas after your divorce. Give yourself time to feel stable and secure in your new situation.
7) Make Self-Care A Top Priority
Just because it’s your first holiday season after divorce doesn’t mean you have to give in to the holiday temptations! Don’t gorge yourself on cookies and put off your exercise routine because you’re too busy enjoying Christmas or New Year’s. By keeping to your exercise and dietary routine throughout the holidays, you’ll continue feeling good about yourself, especially if you’ve been working hard on your health since your divorce. While it’s acceptable to indulge in the occasional cookie and dessert at the holidays, stay aware of what you’re eating and make sure that you’re still trying to make healthy choices. It’s all about moderation!
The changes you've already made and survived this year as you're coming to grips with the end of your marriage are tremendous. The holidays are just another one of the traditions you had as a family needing adjustment. And as challenging as this change is, you will survive the season! Wanted or unwanted, your new relationship status might feel raw during the holidays and can bring unexpected emotions to the surface. Navigate it the best you can, go easy on yourself, and get help if you need it. And remember, a new year is just around the corner!
Sending love, light and joy,
Wendy
Post-divorce holidays can be tough, but guess what? You hold the reins to craft a brand-new life on your own terms, my friend. 🌟
Feeling the weight of divorce right now and craving some guidance? Introducing BRIDGE™, your shortcut from crisis to closure in just six months—no guilt or overwhelm attached.
Together, we'll sail through the divorce journey, chart a course for your future, and lock in that well-deserved settlement. It’s your time to step into your strength, embrace fresh traditions, and make this season one for the books!