False Sense of Amicability
It is far wiser to judge people by their deeds than their speech
– judge their track record rather than their talk.
-Rasheed Ogunlaru
Do you find yourself believing what your spouse says rather than believing their actions?
This is what I call creating a false sense of amicability.
What is a false sense of amicability and how does it play out for some people in the divorce process?
It is where one person believes it is possible to avoid all conflict throughout the divorce process even though the previous track record proves otherwise. There is more emphasis on words than actions.
You want to believe that you can avoid conflict. You want your divorce to be amicable.
I mean, who doesn’t, right? However, avoiding conflict may not be the answer. Avoidance is often fueled by fear of feeling uncomfortable, fear of being bullied or fear of being perceived as selfish or unreasonable. Let’s be honest, being passive is exhausting. You work tirelessly to please others, and it may be impacting your emotional well-being, your health, and your financial future.
Furthermore, this false sense of amicability keeps you from being honest with yourself about what you need and want financially. If you don’t speak up about the finances maybe it will be different this time. If you cooperate and give more, maybe you can avoid being gaslit.
As a result, you agree prematurely to financial decisions without having all the information. You accept financial proposals in good faith without knowing all the options. You don’t want to not be perceived by your divorce attorney as being difficult or uncooperative. In fact, your divorce attorney encourages you to be cooperative so you will be looked on favorably by the court. However, you find yourself perplexed because your spouse is not following any of the court orders and has no accountability. He is not being cooperative and yet nobody seems to care.
Ladies, what is the cost to our own financial well-being if we don’t challenge this paradigm?
The reality is that the impact for women can be a hefty one! Numerous studies have revealed that a woman’s lifestyle is negatively impacted after divorce and over half (52%) of respondents experienced this well-documented downward shift in their standard of living. Additionally, women face unique financial headwinds because they have longer life expectancies, lower incomes, and fewer years in the workforce than men. In fact, women may never truly recover from the financial impact of the divorce.
With that in mind, what can women to do to challenge the amicability smoke screen and be better positioned for financial wellness?
Here are five immediate things you can do.
· Be willing to reconnect with YOUR financial values. What is important to you?
· Be cautiously optimistic about the words of your spouse – focus on their actions.
· Remember it is okay for there to be some disagreements or challenges. You don’t have to just accept things to “keep the peace”.
· Do your homework. Ask questions to gain understanding.
· Don’t be afraid to negotiate – it can be fun!
Apply the ANOT Method.
· A – Acknowledge
· N – Naturally
· O – Obviously
· T – The Ask
BRIDGE™: Empowerment Over Guilt, Every Time 👏
The bottom line is—divorce is not the time to worry about being perceived as “nice”. Your financial stability depends on the decisions you make now. And your first strategic decision makes the rest of them easy…
Join BRIDGE™, where I’ll guide you through the financial divorce storm, step by step—showing you how to demand your fair share without the weight of guilt. Ready to step into your next chapter with confidence and clarity? Click the link below and apply to join BRIDGE™ today!