Divorce and Back to School
Co-Parenting Through the Milestones of Adult Children
Navigate the transition of your child going to college, well.
Navigating divorce is never easy, and when children are involved, it can be even messier. As parents we often wonder what lasting impact the whole process will have on our kids. While it’s easy to assume this is only applicable to divorcing parents who have children that are underage, it doesn’t stop just because your child is 18 or over. In fact, while the implications may be different, there are just as many co-parenting and financial decisions to consider when you are divorcing with children who are legally adults.
This has recently become a bigger subject as we’ve seen the number of “gray divorces” on the rise. This term refers to the rising rate of older adults, typically from long-lasting marriages, who are getting divorced as their children come of age. The things to consider may be different from divorcing with toddlers, but they are still just as important.
Help your child transition into college by communicating clearly what it will look like with your STBX.
Messy Transitions
As a mom of a first time college student myself, I know the mix of emotions that you experience at this milestone. Please know, you are not alone! Then to add on top of that the dynamic of sharing this transition with your soon-to-be-ex spouse (STBX), it can become complicated very quickly.
Navigating this conversation is imperative, not just for your child but for you as well. The memory of being dropped off at the dorm or on the college campus for the first time by your parents is an important one. So discussing expectations with your child as well as your STBX is a good first step. What does your child want the day to look like? What are you and your STBX expecting it to look like? How can you make an emotional and potentially tense day memorable with as little conflict as possible?
While the courts may not get involved with children over the age of 18 and they cannot dictate in writing how this transition will go, they can help you navigate communication. If you find you are unable to create a plan with your STBX without conflict, mediation may be an option to help you put a plan in place. Remember, there are many more milestones to come (graduation, marriage, grandchildren) that you will need to co-parent through. This is a great opportunity to start out with healthy communication and expectations.
Creating a financial plan with your STBX can alleviate a lot of stress down the road when it comes to tuition and other college costs.
Develop a Financial Plan
As with many situations through a divorce, finances is a big topic. And that certainly applies when discussing college tuition for your adult children. It’s important to note that from state to state it may vary on what age the court no longer dictates who pays for what. It may be 18, 19 or even 21 depending on where you live. This also means that some courts would only require financial support through a portion of a four-year college degree. Your divorce attorney can help you understand the laws in your state. If you need assistance finding one in your area, you can access our free national directory here: https://wfwcdivorce.com/resource-guide
Before we go too much further, let me break down the average annual cost for a college student. According to the Education Data Initiative, for one year to cover tuition, books, and daily living expenses, it will cost $36,436. This comes with an annual growth rate of 2% over the last 10 years. With the cost of living climbing, we can anticipate in the coming years this number to go up.
Ensuring clear communication from the start is a great way to set you and your child up for success. It is important to clearly outline who will be paying for what college expenses. Things to consider are:
☑️ College Tuition
☑️ College room & board
☑️ College books
☑️ Financial aid counseling
☑️ Insurance
☑️ Transportation
☑️ Cell Phone
Other:_________________
Creating a plan using valuable tools and resources can make this back to school transition smoother.
Find Resources to Help
📱 DComply App: Simplify co-parenting expenses with transparency and less ambiguity. Take the guesswork out and reduce arguments.
📊 Budget Template & Workbook: As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, I offer an easy-to-use budget template and workbook—great resources to help you prepare for the college years amidst divorce!
🎙️ Disrupting Divorce Podcast: Tune in to Episode 93 to hear Vicki Vollweiler discuss college finances—including financial aid, scholarships, student loans, and more. Gain insights from a divorced mom and founder of College Financial Prep.
🆓 FREE Masterclass: Ready to discover your next move in your divorce? Watch my FREE Masterclass for empowerment, clarity, and control in your next chapter. 💪